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Flight 404 - Draft 3 by Bartholomew Cryan (Bartley Cryan), written for Twisted50, uploaded 24 Jun '16 00:00

A higher plane of existence

Kindle b766711b85749ff9671b613c15b7dc96ade20bc16f5ac293c4d49048d4c9347d | Share this on 32 linkedin 040a2e4b882be7f466046279d750d1797134bb3f6ebd025a6ccabfc994ef654a

Publishers and Editors Notes...

Great job Bart, we love the ebb and flow of your voice. As discussed with you, the ending falls a little and we want to maintain the strength right through to the last word.

  • Either, cut from  "The sound of weight shifting to Ash dances up like snowflakes."
  • If you do this, remember to bring a detail back to your protaganist to keep his pov in tact. 
  • Or, rewrite this ending with a fabulous powerful punch. Holding onto the blissful ignorance of the passengers, and in contrast to your protaganist's terrifying knowledge.
  • Also consider, your parting shot - leave us with the chill of their final moments.

Great stuff!

The draft below is now closed for feedback.

Please read and review the latest draft above.

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Flight 404 - Draft 2 by Bartholomew Cryan (Bartley Cryan), written for Twisted50, uploaded 30 Nov '15 23:20

A higher plane of existence

Kindle b766711b85749ff9671b613c15b7dc96ade20bc16f5ac293c4d49048d4c9347d | Share this on 32 linkedin 040a2e4b882be7f466046279d750d1797134bb3f6ebd025a6ccabfc994ef654a

The draft below is now closed for feedback.

Please read and review the latest draft above.

Normal img 3406

Flight 404 - Draft 1 by Bartholomew Cryan (Bartley Cryan), written for Twisted50, uploaded 29 Nov '15 23:58

A higher plane of existence

Kindle b766711b85749ff9671b613c15b7dc96ade20bc16f5ac293c4d49048d4c9347d | Share this on 32 linkedin 040a2e4b882be7f466046279d750d1797134bb3f6ebd025a6ccabfc994ef654a